Facial expressions are a key component in communications. Micro and subtle expressions – facial movements that are both hard to control and to spot, give away our true feelings, even when we try to mask them. These expressions have been found to transcend nations and cultures by experts such as Paul Ekman.
But there are other, more overt signs that people often miss. Actually, it’s not so much that we miss them as we misinterpret them. Little things like which way the eyes move when someone is asked a question tell us if they are thinking or about to lie. Misinterpretation of these expressions can have great consequences in business.
Years ago when I was a demolition superintendent we were taking down buildings in a copper smelter in Utah. The people in the smelter were always looking for ways to embarrass us or generally cause trouble. Immediately after we dropped a four story structure the site manager, whom I had never met, showed up and said his people told him that we had dropped this building on several people and he wanted us to recover the bodies ASAP. There weren’t any bodies as we hadn’t dropped it on any, but the investigation was on. Standing on a snow covered muddy lane we faced off at about 50 feet away from each other. His people, mine and my boss. After things calmed down the manager of the smelter asked that we take further precautions in future drops so that misunderstandings would be minimized and safety maximized.
As he called out his requirements I was thinking ahead as to how to best carry out his requests. All of a sudden he yells at me that he thinks I am ‘dismissing him’ and that he wants me taken off of the job. A couple of hours later my boss shows up again, this time with a letter of reprimand, the only one of my entire career, and says accept the letter or go home. What was I to do? I asked him why this manager thought I was dismissing him. I explained to my boss that I had been thinking about how to comply with the clients wishes when he went off on me. My boss said “You rolled your eyes at him. That’s what pissed him off.”
What really happened was the the client’s manager had misread my expression. He saw my eyes move and took any movement as a sign of disrespect. But peoples’ eyes move all of the time. And they move one when when lying and another when thinking. In fact, while being interviewed one time by another consultant he asked me a series of questions and made notes in his book after each answer. I finally asked him what he thought of my answers. He told me he wasn’t interested in my answers so much as my eye movements. They told him when I knew the answer automatically or had to think about them, and would have indicated if I was being untruthful.
For more on MET (microexpression training) and SET (subtle expression training) visit http://www.mettonline.com/ or read Paul Ekman’s books ‘Emotions Revealed’ and ‘Telling Lies’.
Bart Gragg
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